what am i? w h o am i?

i'm an angel, i'm a devil,
i am sometimes in between,
i'm as bad it can get,
and good as it can be,
sometimes i'm a million colors,
sometimes i'm black and white,
i am all extremes,
try figure me out you never can,
there's so many things i am.

i am special,
i am beautiful,
i am wonderful,
and powerful,
unstoppable,
sometimes i'm miserable,
sometimes i'm pitiful,
but that's so typical of all the things i am.

i'm someone filled with self-belief,
and haunted by self-doubt,
i've got all the answers,
i've got nothing figured out,
i like to be by myself,
i hate to be alone,
i'm up and i am down,
but that's part of the thrill,
part of the plan,
part of all of the things I am.

i am special,
i am beautiful,
i am wonderful,
and powerful,
unstoppable,
sometimes i'm miserable,
sometimes i'm pitiful,
but that's so typical of all the things i am.

i'm a million contradictions,
sometimes i make no sense,
sometimes i'm perfect,
sometimes i'm a mess,
sometimes i'm not sure who i am.

i am special,
i am beautiful,
i am wonderful,
and powerful,
unstoppable,
sometimes i'm miserable,
sometimes i'm pitiful,
but that's so typical of all the things I am.

i am special,
i am beautiful,
i am wonderful,
and powerful,
unstoppable,
sometimes i'm miserable,
sometimes i'm pitiful,
but that's so typical of all the things i am,
of all the things i am,
sometimes i'm miserable,
sometimes i'm pitiful,
but that's so typical of all the things I am,
of all the things i am.
~ hilary duff - i am 

" h e l l "

every hell is different,' he said. 'it's what we do with our hell that defines us. do we take drugs and pretend that hell doesnt exist? do we wear hell like a badge? do we curl up and sulk in the corner somewhere? do we swallow it and die slowly as it eats us from the inside? do we build a fortress and make it a private hell? do we paint smiles on our faces and pretend hell doesnt exist? do we drag everyone down with us? 
~ happy as larry - scot gardner (page 213)

"and the shark, it has tears, and they run down it's face, but the shark lives in the water, so no one see the tears."

"we would be so much happier with the things we do have if we weren't so unhappy with the things we don't have."

"the past is histroy, the future is a mystery, now is a gift, that's why we call it the present."

"in the limelight, i play it all fine, but i can't handle it when i turn off my night light"

i miss your soft lips, i miss your white sheets,
i miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek,
and this is so hard 'cause i didn't see
that you were the love of my life and it kills me.

i see your face in strangers on the street,
i still say your name when i'm talking in my sleep,
and in the limelight, i play it all fine,
but i can't handle it when i turn off my night light.

but i can't handle it when i turn off my night light.

they say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me,
young love murder, that is what this must be,
i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

the life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed,
young love murder, that is what this must be,
i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

i remember the time we jumped the fence when,
the stones were playing and we were too broke to get in,
you held my hand and they made me crawl,
i swear to god it was the best night of my life.

or when you took me across the world,
we promised that this would last forever but now i see,
it was my past life, a beautiful time,
drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise.

Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise,
they say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me,
young love murder, that is what this must be,
i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

the life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed,
young love murder, that is what this must be,
i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

it was a past life, a beautiful time,
drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise.

they say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me,
Young love murder, that is what this must be,
i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

the life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed,
young love murder, that is what this must be,
i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

~ ke$ha - the harold song.

"always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else" ~ judy garland

"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting" ~ e.e. cummings, 1955

"all my life i had been looking for something, and everywhere i turned someone tried to tell me what it was. i accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. i was naïve. i was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which i, and only i, could answer. it took me a long time and much painful boomerang ing of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that i am nobody but myself. ~ ralph ellison - battle royal

this is MY manifesto.

my name is phoebe and this is my manifesto.
i swear to be myself. i will not be led by social conventions. i will make my own way through the world. i will live on my own terms without conforming to society's expectations of who they think i should be. i will be the visible minority. by being myself i will help to save the world. i swear to always look, listen, learn, think, ask, act and speak for myself.

~ beige - cecil castellucci (adapted)

"a woman is always a mystery: one must not be fooled by her face and her hearts inspiration" ~ edmondo de amicis

c r a z y b e a u t i f u l l i f e

i'm in love, alright,
with my crazy, beautiful life,
with the parties, the disasters,
with my friends all pretty and plastered.

every night we're down to go out
waking up on a different couch
'til the next night on the next flight
yeah, i guess we're doing alright.

oh, oh, oh,
we're falling in love,
oh, oh, oh,
'til the sun's coming up,
oh, oh, oh,
just living the life,
oh, oh, oh.

every single night we fight,
to get a little high on life,
to get a little something right,
something real, at least we try.

time after time,
try dodging all the douche-bag guys,
try trading all the wasted times,
for something real in this crazy life.

i just hope some people see,
there's nothing that I'm trying to be,
let me just stop all the shit talk,
i know I'm the new bitch on the block.

i've been through my sketchy phases,
been broke, been a shitty waitress,
but I'm not now, guess it worked out,
got here by running my mouth.

oh, oh, oh,
we're falling in love,
oh, oh, oh,
'til the sun's coming up,
oh, oh, oh,
just living the life,
oh, oh, oh.

every single night we fight,
to get a little high on life,
to get a little something right,
something real, at least we try.

time after time,
try dodging all the douche-bag guys,
try trading all the wasted times,
for something real in this crazy life.

every single night we...

every single night we fight,
to get a little high on life,
to get a little something right,
something real, at least we try.

time after time,
try dodging all the douche-bag guys,
try trading all the wasted times,
for something real in this crazy life.

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh.

~ crazy beautiful life - ke$ha

"i talk of dream, which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy" ~ romeo and juliet - william shakespeare (1,4,103)

“fashions fade, style is eternal” ~ yves saint laurent

who decides what is 'in fashion'?

who decides what we wear?

what does it matter if we go out in tracksuit pants and baggy, stained shirts? 

why do we wear high heels even though they hurt our feet?

why do some – even most – people persist on following trends?

i think this has something to with seeking acceptance – we want to fit in, to look 'normal.' we follow everyone else, not thinking for ourselves. conforming. does anyone ever think; why? why i am i wearing this? because its easy. it's easy to go out any buy what everyone else does, wear what they wear, rather than thinking for yourself. it takes confidence and self-assurance to be different. it takes a certain sort of person to turn heads. She (or he) takes it in her stride. there is some amount of fearlessness to be able to do that without withering. to stand out – head held high. one in many. you have to believe in yourself. Which isn't to say the majority of the population don't believe – perhaps in themselves. however it appears, it would be unfair to say they are the social equivalent of clones.

i think that people should dress for themselves, rather to impress others. people should dress in clothing that flatters their body shape, rather than whatever everyone else is wearing.

come on people, show some originality.

“it is our choices, harry, that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities” ~ albus dumbledore

choice /tʃɔɪs/ noun, adjective, choic·er, choic·est.

1. an act or instance of choosing; selection:

2. the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option:

3. the person or thing chosen or eligible to be chosen: This book is my choice. He is one of many choices for the award.

4. an alternative:

5. an abundance or variety from which to choose:

choices. the choices we make reflect on us as people, they determine how we live our lives, how others see us. why are some so easy to make, others almost impossible? In life, nothing is that simple – we have to make the choice between what is easy and what is right. throughout our lives we have to choose – from mundane things such as what to have for lunch, to what school or university to attend, where to live. and those small decisions with big consequences, sometimes disastrous. those choices that perhaps weren't so good that affected you and everyone around you. supposedly everything is a choice. we can choose how we deal with things, we can chose not to be depressed. me can choose to get better from a cold. Its pretty simple when you put it like that. I don't think its that simple. everyone is different. maybe there are too many variables for that to be true. maybe there is something or someone else that decides. maybe I just choose not to believe?

"light up the stage, make your move, give me something, so i can dance in your light and to your rhythm" ~ plans - birds of tokyo

we make plans to kiss the sun at night,
hopeless dreamers, hopeless times,
shedding skin you show your beauty scars,
don't forget me or who you are,
you know, this don't feel right,
who knows what we feel?
i just met you, i can read your thoughts,
what they tell me is what i want,
i'll keep you guessing, keep you wanting more,
'cause where we're going, no one knows,
hey now, you know, this don't feel right,
who knows, this could feel right,
see i just met you, i swear i read your thoughts,
so don't forget me or what you want,
light up the stage,
make your move,
give me something,
so i can dance in your light and to your rhythm,
soon it unfolds,
who we are,
in this masquerade of stars,
tear off the mask, the face you hide is what I'm missing,
we make plans to kiss the sun at night,
hopeless dreamers, hopeless times,
one was turning, one was standing still,
i won't forget what was promised here,
you know, this don't feel right,
who knows what we feel?

“do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. for if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live" ~ henry david thoreau

“do not lose hold of your dreams or asprirations. for if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live” ~ henry david thoreau

angel - jack johnson

i've got an angel,
she doesn't wear any wings,
she wears a heart that can melt my own,
she wears a smile that can make me wanna sing,
she gives me presents,
with her presence alone,
she gives me everything I could wish for,
she gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home,

she could make angels,
i've seen it with my own eyes,
you gotta be careful when you've got good love,
cause the angels will just keep on multiplying,

but you're so busy changing the world,
just one smile can change all of mine,
we share the same soul,
oh oh oh oh oh ohhh,
we Share the same soul,
oh oh oh oh oh ohhh,
we Share the same soul,
oh oh oh oh oh ohhh,
oh oh oh oh oh ohhh,
umm umm umm uhhhhhhmm,
~ angel - jack johnson

"you were born an original, don't die a copy" ~ john mason

"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are" ~ e.e. cummings

And who are we really? Are we who we act towards others, and how others see us? Are we who we are when we are alone, or with those few cherished friends and family members? Or who we pretend to be to please society? "we all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin" ~ andré berthiaume. How much can we handle before we become a parody of our former selves, behaving how others think we should, acting, pretending to be someone we're not in order to fit it? like the old saying "it is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not" ~ andre gide. But its harder than some people may think, because some of us are born people pleasers, we want friends, we want people to like us, and sometimes its easier that way - fake it till you make it. But when someone says 'you're not yourself' i feel like saying 'is that so? who am i really? are you sure you really know?' but i just smile and think up a lame excuse, wondering why i cant say what im thinking, all those questions spinning around my head...

happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. ~ albus dumbledore

"when everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ~ henry ford

"character cannot be developed in peace and quiet, only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved" ~ helen keller

bubbles are like all living things I suppose. The come into existence, beautiful, enlightening, putting a smile on everybody's faces. They are admired, cherished, weightless for a while, then POP. There one second, gone the next. live life to the fullest, you could be that bubble. “nothing lasts forever, be in the moment, follow your bliss, laugh as long as you have breath, love as long as you live.” ~ I left my mobile at the mall – wendy harmer.

"do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail" - ralph waldo emerson

"life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

the wonderful wizarding world of harry potter

I first started reading the harry potter series in about 2004, when I was eight. I took them everywhere with me, refusing to take one, but all of the five that were published at the time. I read and reread all of them, many, many times, and to this day they remain my favourite books of all time.

But what makes them so compelling, so magical? (pun not intended!) I think it’s the idea of an escape; when I read them, I get lost for hours at a time, lost in harry’s world. I still find them impossible to put down, even though I’ve read them twenty three times! I can quote almost whole pages by heart, but never tire of them.

Harry potter and the philosophers stone was written by j.k rowling on a four hour delayed train ride to kings cross station in London. Jo came up with the idea of Harry Potter, with the rest of the characters based on people she knew.

"Hermione is loosely based on me. She's a caricature of me when I was eleven, which I'm not particularly proud of.” Joanne says. Several publishers turned down the manuscript before Bloomsbury agreed to purchase Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 1996. it was published a year later, in 1997. I know all this, as I had to do an English presentation on a subject of our choice. I thought there was no better subject than j.k rowling herself. The presentation was supposed to be a 2-3 minute oral – mine was somewhere between 6 and seven. Oops.

"I want to finish these seven books and look back and think that whatever happened -however much this hurricane whirled around me -I stayed true to what I wanted to write. This is my Holy Grail: that when I finish writing book seven, I can say -hand on heart -I didn't change a thing. I wrote the story I meant to write. If I lost readers along the way, so be it, but I still told my story. The one I wanted. Without permitting it to sound too corny, that's what I owe to my characters. That we won't be deflected, either by adoration or by criticism."

Harry Potter is now a global brand worth an estimated $15 billion. The last four Harry Potter books have consecutively set records as the fastest-selling books in history. They have been translated into over 60 languages. All together, all seven books, have a total of 4,195 pages. As regards to the possibility of an eighth Harry Potter book, she has said, "I can't say I'll never write another book about that world just because I think, what do I know, in ten years' time I might want to return to it but I think it's unlikely." Rowling has said she will be writing an encyclopaedia of Harry Potter's wizarding world consisting of various unpublished material and notes. i am very much looking forward to this, as it would complete my collection, so far consisting of all the books, movies and playstation games, 1-7, as well as a few other unofficial books about harry potter. i managed to 'borrow' a hogwarts uniform off my cousin a couple of months ago, and i have intention of returning it any time soon! in the future i hope to go to the harry potter theme park, as that would be an amazing experience - harry potter nerds unite! i found a great website for harry potter paraphernalia, a lot of which i am currently saving up for - http://www.noblecollection.com/index.cfm?fa=products.catagory&catid=21

The midnight premier for harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 is in less than a month, and five of my friends and I are going to see it, in costume. I have gone to all the movie and book releases, dressed in my hogwarts uniform since about 2005, when I became totally obsessed, me, nor any of my friends see this as a bad thing. I think its very healthy to have something to believe in, real or otherwise, because to me, harry potter and his magical world are real.

“life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale” ~ hans christian anderson

“to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing” ~ elbert hubbard

and who wants to be nothing? everybody wants to be something, so why not stand up and make yourself heard? “be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ dr. seuss. because if people really love you, they wont care about your faults, or the things you do wrong, they'll accept you and love you for who you truly are. “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ eleanor roosevelt.

throw it away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape, don't hear a word they say, they don't know us anyway ~ the great escape – boys like girls.

"forget prior engagements, cancel your plans, let's do something amazing, while we still can" ~ vanilla - british india

living inside out, turn this chariot,
like a diamond in the sky,
you take me so far away,
a shooting star across the sky,
you kiss the earth and say goodbye,
only the good die young,
only the good die young,
crashing into the sun,
only the good die young.

~ only the good die young - def leppard

"you know that i'm a crazy bitch, i do what i want when i feel like it, all i wanna do is lose control" ~ smile - avril lavigne

“dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today” - james dean

love drunk

this image reminds me of summer, and all the memories that went with it ~

i used to be love drunk, but now i'm hungover,
i love you forever, forever is over,
we used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight.
~ love drunk - boys like girls

so lately i've been listening to a bit of hilary duff, which i wouldn't usually, apart from the fact that i've managed to lose my ipod - oops. when i was younger i bought a few of her cd's, and they're something i haven't listened to in forever. some of the lyrics are quite inspiring, such as these, from the song 'fly' from her self-titled third album, released in 2004.

~ fly, open up the part of you that wants to hide away, you can shine, forget about the reasons why you cant in life, and start to try, cause its you're time, time to fly.

"of course it is happening inside your head, harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" - albus dumbledore

“life is never easy for those who dream" - robert james waller